For your glory Jesus!!! More of you, less of me!!!

Good morning my loves!!! So back in January 2015 my husband said he was done with me and he left…just like that. He took our son with him. My husband was the sole provider and he wouldn’t let me work. Oh y’all, he made it all sound so good at the time! I had just gotten discharged from the Army. He got a job at one of the prisons in town. He said “baby, you just stay home with the boys. We are good financially you don’t need to work.” He was right….he made enough money as to where I didn’t have to work. Plus, since we had done it once before I joined the Army I trusted him. Only this time, I didn’t know that it was all a setup from the enemy. Things were good for a while and went along as planned. Until one day I started to get restless. My addict brain began talking real loud and please believe I was listening to every word! I knew absolutely nothing about crystal meth at that time. To be 100 I didn’t even know black people used it. I was sitting outside at my house one day. This white couple walked up and asked if they could cut my grass for me. I said “no, my husband will do that when he gets time thank you. What you can do for me is tell me where I could get some meth from though!” I don’t even know why that came out my mouth. I wasn’t sitting there thinking about it before they came up. It wasn’t their fault they just simply walked up and asked to cut my yard. To my benefit at the time they knew exactly where to get some from. It was ON from that point on. I tried my best to hide my use from my husband. I actually thought I was doing a good job of it. Until January 6, 2015 he had had enough of me and my deceitful ways. He packed up and him my son was GONE. So there I am alone in the house with no job, no money and no way to take care of my drug addiction. The paralyzing fear of it all kicked in at once and so did the desperation. Of course I tried to get him to come back. He showed me just how serious he was when on January 16, 2015 when a Sherriff came to serve me with a protective order! Oh, mad wasn’t the word. I had so many different emotions going on at once hurt, sad, lonely, confused, angry, hate, betrayed and don’t forget all the other emotions from my addiction to ADD on top of that!! A whole broken mess. Needless to say on January 17, 2015 I was in jail for violating the protective order. I was determined to get him back. The fear about it all had me making desperate moves. He wasn’t so goody goody now. When he left he had another woman. She worked at the prison with him. I tried to save her from herself by asking her to leave my husband alone, so I can figure out what was really going on. She refused and ok……he knew I had a GPS on his phone that alerted me everytime he moved. (thought I was slick and was for real trying to make sure he never was able to catch me slippin while I was out getting high) So he decided to use it to his advantage. They went out to Walmart and went to the one by MY house. He passed over 2 walmarts just to come to that one. So in my head, I’m like yeah….He about to see me!! Only I didn’t know it was a trap. He knew exactly how I would react and when I saw him and homegirl WITH my son as if they were a FAMILY!!!! Baby I lost it!! I beat her up and him too!! It was ON on aisle 3 in walmart. When the detective showed me the video….I couldn’t do anything But shake my head. I was busted. He had proved that he needed that protective order. Truth be told because of all the pain and hurt I was going through had I got away from Walmart that day I know for a fact that I would have killed them both that night. My point is this……when you get in God’s way He will sit you down. I just knew I needed to handle that situation myself….although I had prayed and asked God to help me get through it. That was my first time being locked up and I was given 3 weeks to sit and his protective order was officially granted. GET OUT OF GOD’S WAY!! I promise He doesn’t need YOUR help at all to fix ANY situation. Let go and let God. Yeah it’s cliche but it’s TRUE!! When are you gonna surrender that problem to God and trust HIM? Because HE CAN DO IT AND DOES NOT NEED ANY HELP FROM YOU!!! When are you going to get out God’s way and even YOUR OWN way?! I love you all so much……we will talk again soon!